Just So Snitch Victory

June 15, 2013
Eddie Hall
Once when I was at school, someone – who shall remain nameless – locked a science teacher in a stationery cupboard. It was very funny. Unfortunately, when he was released some 2 hours later, he demanded to know which little pecker locked him in there. Stupidly, another young lad grassed on the comedy genius. This made him very unpopular with the rest of the class and they all gave him a good kicking for his treachery. The kid he grassed on then flushed his head down the toilet for good measure. It was very funny. You may be wondering what on earth this has to do with karting. Well nothing really but I thought it was worth mentioning. So anyway, as we approach the halfway point in the season, the championship battle is starting to take shape with Just So and Tanked Up the two favourites with the likes of Pure Racing and Alliance Racing in the mix. Ministry of Speed have had a rather up and down start to their season and three dropped scores already means they have a lot of work to do in the second half of the season. Round 4 winners Moulins were notable by their absence this weekend. Pure Racing took pole right at the end of the session. Tanked Up were alongside with Just So and Alliance Racing on row 2. Club16-48 did a great job to round out the top 5. Teamcraft’s miserable season continued and they started 25th with Overdraft Racing opting to start from the back in 27th. Jonny Goddard was pleasantly surprised by his pace prior to the start. “I didn’t think I was particularly quick in the wet so that’s a nice surprise. We’ve just got to be consistent throughout the race and bring home a good result. We need to try and take some points out of Just So.” The race took a long time to get started due to the Pelicans’ chain falling off during the rolling up laps. It was delayed further when Game of Cones’ Matt Brookes got bored and pulled into the mechanics bay. When the race finally got going, it was the flying Jay Elliott who made the best start to get Alliance Racing into the lead. Having been on provisional pole for much of qualifying, he was in fine form but Tanked Up’s Chris Powell was also flying and made a move on lap 6 to snatch the lead away. The race was stopped a few laps later due to an accident along the pit straight. This untimely stop forced many teams to rethink their strategy. At the restart, Elliott once again made the best start and disappeared into the lead. Because of the restart situation, the team decided to to make their two stops at the end of the second window and relinquished the lead in the process. Unfortunately, the next driver isn’t as good at driving as he is at strategy and took half his stint to wake up (well actually he never really woke up) and dropped the team out of contention for the win. During the middle phase, Just So, Pure Racing and Ministry of Speed all established themselves at the front behind Tanked Up who were easing out a gap to the rest. Overdraft Racing had made excellent progress from the back of the grid and were in the top 6 by half distance. Cartman were also enjoying a good race. Game of Cones and Teamcraft were having an inconspicuous race in the midfield but faring better than Club16-48 and British Columbia who both struggled in the difficult conditions and found themselves near the back in what is proving to be a difficult year for them. Back at the sharp end of the field and things were starting to get exciting. Pure Racing were on course for third place but John Maycrash decided to make love to the pit lane wall in his last stop and dropped to fourth. Deciding he hadn’t ruined his team’s race enough, he then binned it a few laps later and dropped to sixth. The battle for the lead was even more pant-wetting. Tanked Up had led for most of it but Just So had got into the lead towards the end. However, Phil Ingram went off with a few minutes to go, handing the lead back to Tanked Up. This led Stuart Symonds to enquire whether Daz Teal, who was overly endowed with re-echoing inebriation, had taken time out from praying to the porcelain God and taken part in the race himself. Apparently there is a rule that states all signed-on drivers must complete a lap. Apparently the Right Honorable gent from Tanked Up hadn’t so the erstwhile Mr Symonds controversially grassed him up to teacher. Whilst all this was going on, Tanked Up cruised home to win. Just So were less than 8 seconds behind at the flag with Ministry of Speed claiming the last step on the podium. However, Tanked Up were immediately called to race control to answer for their heinous crime and, in his discombobulated state, the Right Honorable Mr Teal was unable to form a cogent argument. As a result, they were disqualified. This handed Just So the win and promoted a sheepish Ministry to second and Alliance Racing to third. Chris Powell, nominated as spokesman for Tanked Up, admitted to being disappointed at the rather unsporting nature of the snitching but accepted the decision because they hadn’t read the rules properly. Just So’s Phil Ingram was rather sheepish but equally glad with the result. “I feel a bit embarrassed actually. I crashed with a few minutes to go and thought I’d thrown the victory away because Chris was chasing me so it’s quite lucky but rules are rules.” So Daz, it takes four people to successfully give someone the toilet treatment. One to hold the legs, two either side to hold the arms in place and more easily tip the victim 180 degrees, and a fourth person to pull the chain.
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